just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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