We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize