i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
