I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
