you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
