Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
