Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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