I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
