Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
