I think my vagina is haunted
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
