did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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