Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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