Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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