Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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