Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
