She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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