so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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