A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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