are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
