Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
