lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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