i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
