I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
being pregnant is like rehab
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize