Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
