This is the prime rib incident all over again
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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