I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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