just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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