clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
