you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
