She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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