So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
