You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
