well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
