I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
