don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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