Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
