im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
