living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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