Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
