Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
