living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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