Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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