Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
