I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
