you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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