nut hugger
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize