I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
