i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
