I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
