you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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