Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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