spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
