Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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