I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
