brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
