we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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