we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
