my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't put those talents on a resume
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
