I wish my penis had an off switch
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
