and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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