Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
