I love black thongs
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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