Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
