Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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