wakey wakey hands off snakey
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
