why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
