Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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