I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
