I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
