I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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