She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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