I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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