We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
