he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
