There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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