I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
