Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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