He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
