At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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