I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
