I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
vagina is talking i cant
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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