You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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