Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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