I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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