He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
