I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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