Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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