What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Boobs are out for the taking
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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