Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
