my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
