I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
