She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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