we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
