i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
