What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just blew my weed a kiss
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
