Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
