Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
