Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize