Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
