woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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