you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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