Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
