It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
