After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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