I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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