worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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