You work out of a Hotel?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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