we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't deserve a penis
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
