I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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