he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
