She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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