Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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